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5 Needlessly Sexual Video Game Ads

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What do sex and video games have in common? Not very much but that doesn’t stop advertisers .

It makes sense for a game like Blood Rayne or DOA to have sexual ads. The games themselves have of sexual content and overtones. But what does the PS Vita and masturbation have in common?  

 Don’t feel like reading? Watch the list here:

 

5: PSVita touch Both Sides 


 

The PS Vita has touch pad on the back that’s utilized in various games. So, what’s the best way to illustrate this feature in ad form? Boobs, apparently. 

Is this creepy or sexy? Sometimes I feel like advertisers have never had sex. Only heard of it from a friend who read about it in a book. Back boobs aren’t sexy, they’re not normal and they don’t tell me how it relates to the PS Vita. 

 

4:.  Beautifully executed. 


On yeah, you like that? Think that’s sexy? OH, god! 

 

This was apart of a series of ads that ran for Hitman Blood Money. Some people loved the ad while others hated it. Many felt the image of a half-naked woman meticulously posed on a bed with a bullet in her head promoted violence and rape toward women while others thought it was a clever ad that spoke to Hitman as a franchise. 

From a pure advertising standpoint this is the only ad on the list that succeeds at its job. It raised awareness of the game, albeit through controversy. And advertisers knew what they were doing when they did this. Clearly the point was stirring the pot and they succeeded with the shock and aw of this ad. Many people, myself included saw this ad and then realized she was dead only after a moment or two. Only adding to the shock and causing a “WTF moment.” Could they have advertised Hitman without using a half-naked dead woman? Yes, yes they could.

And its something the game could’ve did without especially since at the time the game industry was under such heavy scrutiny from the public. But it does speak to the dehumanizing effect of objectification that they last thing a lot people noticed was the woman’s face and the fact she was dead. 

3: PS Vita Remote Play 


This ad has  doctor talking to you as her patient about what seems be your masturbation habits but at the end of the commercial she pulls out a PS vita.
It’s certainly a cringe worthy video that doesn’t seem that clever. The idea, I guess is that with remote play you never stop playing. thus, making an illusion to chronic masturbation?

Because that what the kids are into nowadays. Just cumming like a sprinkler everywhere. 

2: Sometimes ya gotta cheat  


Ah, an ad I remember from childhood

 

This ad is for a cheat device called  “Code breaker” It feature a woman in a night gown and rollers in her hair next to a younger woman taking off her bikini with the slogan “Sometimes ya gotta cheat.” Suggesting the woman in the bed is so ugly and so undesirable you have no choice but forsake your wedding vows and bed another woman.  

But here’s the thing; this ad like all these ads are being marketed towards horny teenage boys. Teenage boys aren’t married  with 9-5 jobs and come home to a woman that looks like this. In fact to a teenage boy both these women in this ad would be considered “older women”. Y’know the closes thing a teen boy has to associate with this image? Their mother. 

So the advertiser seems to be suggesting: 

  1. Horny teenage boys that use cheat devices, have sex with their mother on a regular basis 
  2. They’re so bored with having sex with their mothers that they have to cheat on her with a younger but still older than them women. 

I didn’t think I’d have to say  “Sex with their mother” this much today but here we are. 

1: Take advantage with Davis Cup 


The tagline translates “Take Advantage with”

Now with every other ad you could argue they made some sense in relation to the game they were promoting. Either through some pun or weird tagline. But what is this? 

What are we taking advantage of? Her? The game? Why is her booty out? Why is the game super imposed over her hand? What does this have to do with Tennis? 

Even if you’re aroused by this ad it will not make you want to play Tengen Davis World Cup. Even the name sounds boring and makes me want to cry;

 And then this raises other questions. If these ads are meant for teen boys, most of whom have to ask their parents to by them things, wouldn’t be awkward to ask for some of these games and have your parents  see these ads? 

And most of theses were ads in megazines. And as someone who grew up around this time, most the time if I said I wanted something, my mother would ask to see the ad to make sure they were getting the right thing. So imagine you ask for code breaker and your parent asks to see the ad and now you have to  explain why you don’t want to sleep with and then cheat on your mother. Don’t do that to your mom. 

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10 of the Best Video Game Companions

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It’s too dangerous to go it alone, so we take these video game companions with us. There used to be a time not so long ago that the idea of having a companion in a video game would turn some players away. However, times have changed, and video game companions – when done right – can help enrich the story and gameplay.

 

Don’t want to read the list? Watch it here:

 

For this list, we’re including companions that are controlled by the computer for majority of the game. So, though you may play them at some point, the lion’s share of the companion’s controls comes from the computer.


10: Ghost

Eyes up guardian. Some ghosts might be scary but not your friendly Ghost. In Destiny, the ghosts accompany the wielders of the Traveler’s Light, also called Guardians. The Ghost that follows you around has a surprisingly large personality for such a small package, never short on words when it comes to speaking up for or just plain talking for you. Ghost also heals you when your health is low, revives you if you die, hacks any device that needs hacking, and scans anything that needs scanning.

Though the Ghost is a bit of a McGuffin in the Destiny universe, it makes up for it with its personality. Even if Ghost is pretty much just a floating eye, it’s still very expressive. Without the Ghost, your Guardian would be lost, just ask Cayde-6. Too soon?


9: Claptrap

Claptrap is sassy, spunky, and out for blood. So, of course, in Borderlands 2, when he follows you around, you have no problem with it. His witty retorts and his constantly calling you his “minion” keeps a smile on your face. But, he’s not purely there for comic relief. He also helps you hack your way into new areas by opening doors and bringing down barriers.

Easily one of the most beloved characters in the franchise, if you’re going to wonder around Pandora, make sure this fella is with you. He’s the last of his model, which makes him unique with a thirst for revenge.


8: Miles “ Tails” Prowers

Tails probably sports the least sophisticated programing out of anyone else on this list. Essentially all he does is follow you around for the most part, but that doesn’t mean he’s not useful. And, obviously, we’re not talking about Tails when he’s being played by another person as Player Two, just regular Tails following you around.

Though he may not seem like much, he is very helpful. How many times have you been playing Sonic, got hit, your rings go everywhere, and they start to disappear before you can get to them. But, before they vanish, Tails grabs one for you. Or, you’re fighting a really hard boss, last life and no rings left, and Tails scores the final hit for you, saving you from having to start over.

Tails needs more credit. He’s an immortal companion who doesn’t get in the way and helps you from time to time. What more could you want?


7: The Star Fox Team

…everyone except Slippy. F*ck Slippy.

Your real companions, Peppy “ Do a Barrel Roll” Hare, Falco Lombardy, and later on, Crystal are actually good. They may ask for a helping hand from time to time, but they always pay it back in kind. You’re awarded extra points and sometimes access to secrete areas and routes if you keep your entire team alive. This adds an extra challenge without being too annoying. For the most part, they just fly with you, trading witty banter. Good thing there isn’t another member of the team to bring you down.

Though all in all, the members of the Star Fox team don’t do all that much, the game wouldn’t feel the same without them being there. They help suck you into the game and make the world feel more developed. With them, the game is fun, but without them, you miss their presence. Even in worlds where they aren’t physically there, it’s nice to still have their commentary.


6: DogMeat Fallout 4

Who’s a good boy? Yes it’s Dogmeat. Dogmeat is a good boy. Of course, man’s best friend is on the list. Dogmeat has no owner for Dogmeat is a free elf – I mean – dog. With his unparalleled senses, Dogmeat can track a scent for miles. Not to mention, if you have the Attack Dog perk, Dogmeat will occasionally bite and hold on to enemies, giving you a chance to shoot them. Also, Dogmeat is the cutest. Just look at ‘im, so adorable. In a world as harsh and cruel as Fallout 4’s, it’s nice to have a friendly, furry face to rely on.

Though he’s not about to use a weapon like some of the other companions, he still tends to be players’ favorite because, well, he’s a dog, and dogs are better than people.


5: Ignis, Gladiolus and Prompto Final Fantasy 15

Just a few bros going out for a bachelor party road trip when – uh oh! – the car breaks down. Then, the groom’s father dies as his kingdom is is taken over and destroyed.

Let’s face it. You as Noctis would be totally lost without your 3 friends, especially Ignis who acts as your den mother and resident cook. The game requires you to utilize the skills of each of your allies and brothers in arms, even taking control of them for brief periods of time. Because of Final Fantasy 15’s real-time battle system, you have to rely on and work together with the rest of your team to defeat enemies. But, where things really shine is the character development. As the story goes on, you build a connection with each character to the point of missing them when one of them is gone. The part where you have to play without your friends or your weapons makes you feel really naked and vulnerable.

A huge part of the game hinges on the development of these characters for both story and gameplay reasons. For the most part, the game does a good job of making them feel like your teammates and not an overly long escort mission, except for one part later in the game, when you have to take care of Ignis after he’s injured. Though, this is a bit more forgivable because it’s for story reasons …but only a little.

They’re constantly urging you on and pushing you to be the best you can be, just like brothers should.


4: Trico, The Last Guardian

The Last Guardian comes from the makers of Shadow of the Colossus. You play a boy as he wakes confused in ruins and finds a bird-like dog-thing, named Trico. The game is about Trico and you (the boy) trying to escape.

The developers spent a significant amount of time making Trico as believable as possible. In the beginning, Trico is weary of you and hesitant to follow your commands. But, as you go through the game, he begins to trust you and starts to listen to you more easily, even doing some actions without the need for you to tell him. This is a game that is essentially about you building a bond with Trico. There’s no meter or UI to show Trico’s level of trust. It happens gradually and naturally over the course of the game. You give Trico commands by shouting and pointing for where the creature should go, and this is a slow process.

The Last Guardian requires you to take your time and figure things out. Trico is an accomplishment. It’s movement, mannerism and AI are very believable, so it’s easy to build a connection as the game goes on. It’s that connection that is the driving force behind the game. You want to protect Trico and keep them safe from harm. So, it makes it all that much more rewarding when you notice that Trico begins to show affection for you.


3: Ellie, The Last of Us

In The Last of Us, you play as Joel, a man who loses his daughter at the beginning of the game. So, 20 years later, he’s a bit more than reluctant to look after Ellie. Joel’s relationship with Ellie challenges him in everything from his beliefs to his morals (or what might at times seem like a lack thereof).

The Last of Us is a story-driven game that is fueled by Ellie and Joel’s relationship. In order to pull this off, Ellie, who is an NPC for most of the game, has to be as believable as possible, not just in cut scenes, but in actual gameplay. They pull this off successfully. She’s helpful in fights, at times even killing enemies.

It never feels like she is a problem or gets in the way. And, what’s more, as the player, you begin to care for her, so when you do have to do things for her, it feels less like a chore. However, one issue in the game is that in order to keep Ellie from becoming a problem, as long as you’re telling her to hide, she’s invisible to the enemy AI. This is great on the one hand, but it pulls you out of the game when you see her walk in front of an enemy, and they don’t react. But, that’s a small complaint, especially in the face of just how amazing Ellie is.


2: Elizabeth, BioShock Infinite

Classic story of guy meets girl, guy saves girl, guy realizes girl can protect herself. While in battle, Elizabeth will search the area and give you extra money, ammunition and other resources. And, she can handle herself in a fight, so you don’t need to worry about her. You honestly feel like you’re working together while observing her.

There’s been talk about how Elizabeth should be playable and the main character of the game, but I don’t think  those things are mutually exclusive. Booker, the playable character of the game, is like a mask the player slips on and off. We know next to nothing about him because he’s a vessel to watch the story unfold, which is Elizabeth’s story. We watch her grow and get stronger as the game goes on. I feel like so much of her character would have been lost if she herself were playable because this is her story, and essentially, as the ending shows, she’s really the primary protagonist, not us. So, though she isn’t playable, she is the main character.

This game wouldn’t be the same game and would be significantly less enjoyable if not for Elizabeth.


1: Atreus, God of War

Boy, Atreus, combines the best qualities of both Ellie and Elizabeth in one package, and it was a huge risk for developer Santa Monica Studios. I’m pretty sure we were all a little scared when we saw the new God of War had a companion. It was such a departure from the previous games, and for a series known for its fast-paced action, there was a fear that adding a companion would slow the gameplay down.

But, our fears were unfounded. The game was amazing and arguably the best in the series. Atreus can fend for himself, and he’s there for most of your battles. The bond you build with him is the focus of the game. How Kratos and Atreus play off each other is entertaining to watch. In the beginning, Atreus starts off inexperienced and rough around the edges. As the game progresses, he gets better and becomes more reliable in battle. His long-range bow attacks are a nice compliment to Kratos’s closer melee-heavy combat style.

Unlike Elizabeth however, it’s just not Atreus’s story that is being told here, it’s the story of both Kratos and Atreus. One of the most exciting moments in the game is when Kratos explains his past and the change in Atreus’s attitude. The game’s bigger moments are complimented by smaller moments, like Kratos telling stories while he and Atreus travel by boat. The game could have easily been called God of War: Father-Son Simulator. Their relationship is interesting and keeps you wanting more.


I hope you enjoyed this list of the top 10 best companions in video games. Next time you’re feeling lonely because you’re stuck at home during a pandemic, pick up one of these games and build a loving friendship that can’t be rivaled – or at least can help you forget for a while.

 

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10 Things Adult gamers will Understand

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In the year 2020, I think we can all agree that gaming isn’t just for kids. A lot of adults play video games, some casual and some hardcore. But, either way I think that when you’re an adult who loves playing video games, there is a set of things that you will experience at one point or another. Below are 10 things that only adult gamers will experience:

 

 


10: Have Money for Games but No Time to Play 

We want to play every game that strikes our fancy, but as a kid, you most likely weren’t going to get a lot of games, especially if you didn’t have parents that gamed or understood gaming. Games are expensive and that money can go toward food, college, or something lame like that. However, once you’re an adult (and provided you’ve been able to find a job the allows you to live comfortably and have expendable income), you can finally buy the games you want. But, plot twist, to make that money means you have to sacrifice your time, the one thing it seemed you had a lot of as a kid, which sucks because now you have expendable income that could go towards gaming and you have little to no time to enjoy them. It’s like life is a joke, and you’re the punchline. 


9: Finding Other Adults to Play with 

So, tell me if this sounds familiar: You’re at work and people are talking about whatever show that’s really big at the moment, but all you want to do is talk the new activity that went live in the game you love. For whatever reason, you’re too afraid or embarrassed to speak up and talk about it. Then one day, you hear someone in the office mention that game you love, your heart skips a beat, and you flock toward them like Pepé Le Pew to a cat with an unfortunate white paint mark on her back. Finally, someone who speaks your language, someone who understands you. You give them your PSN, only to realize they play on Xbox. It’s heartbreaking.

For whatever reason, it’s hard for adults to find other adult gamers. Things like Discord have certainly made it easier. But, there’s still this phobia over being an adult who also games, like we fear the judgmental eyes if we say we spent our weekend playing video games, which is crazy because most people do some sort of gaming, whether it’s on mobile, console or PC. Not to mention, there are studies that show the countless benefits of gaming, but still, we feel the need to justify playing games in a room full of people who spent their weekends binge-watching Netflix. 


8: Gaming Feeling Like a Chore

We’ve already said that sometimes when you’re an adult you don’t have a lot of time to game, but have you ever played an ongoing game like Destiny? – a game where you don’t want to get too far behind your clan or your guild or whatever, so you force yourself to play even when you don’t want to? Maybe you’re tired from a long day of work. All you want to do is go to bed, but nope, you bought a battle pass, and you want to get the most out of it. So, you force yourself in front of your gaming platform of choice and turn it on.

We all love gaming. It’s a fun hobby, but it sucks when you feel like you have to do it, instead of just doing it because you want to. 


7: Spending your Entire Vacation/Holiday Gaming 

It’s a 3-day weekend, so what are you going to do? Spend time with your family? Travel? Nope. You’re going to spend the entire time in your pajamas eating take-out and playing video games. People ask you what you plan on doing on your vacation, and you just kind of smile, as you hear all the screams of the enemies you’re going to lay waste to when you don’t have to come to the soul-sucking place you call work. Because, let’s face it, for some of us, work is just something you do so you can afford to play more games. 

When you’re able to just play your game and not worry about work or the people at work, it’s the best feeling in the world, and no one – and I mean, no one – better bother you while you’re doing it, or there will be trouble.


6: Having a Bunch of Unplayed Games 

I have a story for you: Went to a friend’s house on New Year’s Eve. We wanted to play some games, so I grabbed the Switch and a few co-op and party games. I picked up Snipperclips to take the cartridge out, only to realize the game still had its cellophane wrapped around it. I bought that game years ago. Other games I have still wrapped up include Detroit: Become Human and Death Stranding, and don’t get me started on all the unplayed free PSN games in my library. I have the newest releases, but have I played them? Nope. I still haven’t even finished Spiderman or Resident Evil 7, AND I PRE-ORDERED them.

This is partly to do with what I said earlier about having an ongoing game you have to keep up with, which for me is Destiny 2. I have a clan, and it doesn’t look good if the clan leader is never on. #strugglebus 


5: Trying to Get your Significant Other into Gaming 

You love them, so of course you want to play with them. We all dream whether we’re a guy or a girl to have a partner who will game with us. We say it’s because we want that bonding experience, which is true for the most part, but there’s at least a tiny bit of us that wants it so our partner won’t bother us while we’re gaming. We’ve seen the memes. As soon as you turn on the game, your partner gets an attitude. You don’t need that type of negativity in your life.

Whatever the reason for it, a lot of us want a partner that games with us, if for nothing else, so they can relate to our struggles. But, if they’re not a gamer coming into the relationship, then starts the conversion process, things like looking at pre-existing hobbies to figure out what kind of game they might like. For instance, if they like reading high-fantasy novels, like Lord of The Rings or The Witcher, then they might like playing The Legend of Zelda, World of Warcraft, or, you know, The Witcher. Or, maybe you have someone who is a horror fan, so you have them play Resident Evil. Either way, you begin poking and prodding at them, trying to find a game they like, so you can convert them into being a gamer. It worked for me.


4: Blowing off Sleep before Work so You Can Game 

It’s 10 pm. You know you have to work tomorrow, so you calculate that you can play for an hour and a half, get ready for tomorrow, be in bed by midnight, and still get 8 hours of sleep. But, for some reason, it’s 12:30 am now, so you say, one more game and you’ll get to bed by 1. That’s still enough sleep. Now it’s 3 in the morning, and you’re wondering if you can function on 4 hours of sleep. The sun starts coming up, and now you have to act surprised, like you didn’t know you were staying up all night. You know what I’m talking about, the old, “What? The sun is coming up? I had no idea. I have to go.” So then you rush to bed, sleep for like an hour, and show up to work grumpy at everyone.

We’ve all done this. It’s irresponsible, but boy, is it fun in the moment. 


3: Meeting your Gaming Friends in Real-Life 

This is a big perk to being an adult gamer. You don’t have to go and ask your mom if you can travel 5 states over to meet someone you met online, because if she loves you, she’ll tell you, “No.” 

But, you’re adult now, and you have your own money, so you decide to meet the friends you’ve been talking to for years. Sometimes the people we meet online are the best friends we have. Gaming is truly a bonding experience, so naturally, as you play with these people, you begin to care for them, and the next step is meeting.

It’s fun visiting someone you’ve been talking to for years, and they get to show you the places and things they’ve been describing all those years, or conversely, they visit you and you get show them around. I think this is one of my favorite things about being an adult gamer, just being able to hangout with the people you’ve helped save worlds, fight evil dictators, and complained about connectivity issues with. There’s no lag in real-life, guys… unless beer is involved.


2: Taking Time Off to Play a New Release

So, you finally realized the best way to handle the ‘having money to buy but not having time to play’ games problem, and that’s better time management. Part of this is knowing when new games are coming out, so you can take time off from work. We’ve all done it, saw a new game or huge DLC was about to drop in a couple months, so we take that time off. It’s always awkward when your boss asks you why you need the time off. You can’t just say you’re going to be playing a game, so you say it’s a cousin’s wedding, which could end up sucking of the release is delayed. Then, you have to go back to your boss and explain that the wedding was delayed.


1: Coming Home Tired from Work and Playing Anyway

Like I said, gaming can sometimes feel like a chore. However, there are times when we want to play even though we’re tired. You come from a long day, and you’re beat, but playing your game has been on your mind all day. Despite being exhausted, you feel yourself press the power button on your game console because at the end of the day, you love gaming. You absolutely love it.

So, what if you have to put off sleep? You have a princess to save.


I never realized as a kid (daydreaming of becoming an adult and having infinite money to spend on video games) that with phenomenal adulting power would come itty-bitty gaming time. That said, it’s great to be an adult gamer, having good friends around the world I talk to regularly and never running out of things to do in the comfort of my own home. It’s time for me to go save humanity, again.

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5 Upcoming Games to Keep on Your Radar if You Love Stardew Valley

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1. ) Witchbrook

Release Date – TBD

From the same publisher that brought Stardew Valley to the masses, Chucklefish, this upcoming, in-development game is a no-brainer for Stardew lovers. Set in a school for witches, developers have teased that Witchbrook will have a slice-of-life vibe that’s very similar to Stardew–with a day and night system, tools, and even similar Stardew-esque time-killers like fishing, foraging, and gardening, as you navigate the interactive world as a student of magic and witchcraft. However, with this game very much still in development, we will have to wait before having a chance to live out our witchy dreams.

 

2.) Roots of Pacha

Release Date – 2022

Set in a pre-historic primal land, this co-op farming and life simulator is definitely something to keep on your radar if you’re itching for a new game like Stardew Valley. From indie developer, Soda Den, Roots of Pacha is set for a planned release date of 2022, so still quite a while away. However, what we’ve seen so far looks promising–with the ability to discover, forage, and farm vegetables and herbs, a pixel-styled world to explore and discover, animals to tame, and even a clan to evolve and socialize with, Roots of Pacha seems like just the perfect mix of farm-sim and life simulator that made Stardew Valley so lovable.

 

3.) Starmancer

Release Date – TBD

Another Chucklefish game for the list, Starmancer takes farming and life-simulation to space. Taking on the role of a powerful A.I., Starmancer seems to hint at a choice of becoming a benevolent friend, or wreaking havoc on humanity’s last population who uploaded their consciousness into your system. With the ability to grow humans (yes, humans!) and create a society for them that is either utopian or catastrophic, Starmancer takes sandbox to another level. 

 

4.) Kynseed

Release Date – Early Access!

Unlike the other games on this list, Kynseed is currently released to the public under early access by the developer, PixelCount Studios. With the goal to use the community’s feedback to add and improve to gameplay, Kynseed is a game you’re able to play now, especially if you’re looking for something similar to Stardew to play now, while it’s still in development. Kynseed uses a whimsical pixel-art style that is unique and distinct from other games, allowing you to explore a beautifully crafted and aesthetically-pleasing world, but the gameplay doesn’t stop at graphics. Whether you want to run a business, go adventuring, farm, or develop relationships with townspeople, Kynseed has a plethora of activities for your gaming style.

 

5.) My Time at Sandrock

Release Date – 2021

Although the last game on our list steers away from pixel-art, instead opting for more 3D graphics, the content of the game itself is enough to make any Stardew Valley fan swoon. Brought to us by Pathea Games and set to release sometime this year, My Time at Sandrock is an adventure building simulator that merges the benefits of an open-world RPG and sandbox creativity. Customize and build your own workshop, explore a vast and beautifully rendered open-world, combat monsters, and build relationships through a vast storyline with a large cast of characters. If you love exploring and interacting with townspeople, My Time at Sandrock is definitely a game to keep on your radar. 

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