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3 out 5

American Horror Story Hotel: Episode 5

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Liz Taylor was named Craig or some generic white guy name, and now he’s probably the most interesting character on the show, strutting his shit and being the true queen of the Cortez.

 

Honestly, I say this a lot because I do really enjoy the show, but this one had some scenes that were slightly better than “Devil’s Night”. Some parts were fucking stupid, though. But anyway, this episode was funny and disturbing at the same time, shit’s getting real at the Cortez. Iris (Kathy Bates) is a full on vampire now. But she’s also more than that, and I’ll get to that in a second. So to start things off, Alex Lowe is also a vampire, but she hasn’t killed anyone (well, directly killed anyone, she is very responsible for some deaths, though) in fact, she saves that little kid with the measles. Buuuuuuut…she saves him by turning him into a vampire, and then he goes on to kill his parents, infect his classmates, and kill a bunch of teachers at his school. All while collecting a little vampire army. So maybe Alex Lowe isn’t evil, but she done fucked up.

 

chloe

 

That school scene was wicked though. Let’s talk about that. How did those two kids end up in the closet together during class? Doesn’t make sense unless that teacher is just an oblivious idiot. This school doesn’t have cameras? No one knows what really happened? They need to explain that. Another thing that was fucking stupid: John Lowe recounts his experience with all those killers ghost, and he still doesn’t call them ghosts, he thinks they were copycat killers. And he gets fired for being rational? That seriously pissed me off. We have a very hardened detective who is being logical, and he’s called crazy for not doing the crazy thing and believing in ghosts. I don’t know if that’s just lazy writing, or a foreshadowing into a revelation that commissioner who fired him is the ten commandments killer, and he’s getting too close. I don’t know, but I didn’t like it.

However I can’t knock this episode too much because we get into the heads of both Iris and Liz Taylor. An honestly heart-wrenching dialogue between the two characters on being unseen and undesirable by society. We learn Liz Taylor’s backstory, with a great piece of dialogue that was meant to be funny, but really sends a message to people who don’t get the difference between being gay and being trans. Liz Taylor was named Craig or some generic white guy name, and now he’s probably the most interesting character on the show, strutting his shit and being the true queen of the Cortez.

 

liztaylor

 

And the Countess? She really had some character development in this episode. It was the sexy and violent murderess who gets a boring and miserable old man to become Liz Taylor. Also who doesn’t love a makeover and the song “Betty Davis Eyes”? So The Countess may murder people and drink their blood, but she’s not a transphobe, and I respect that. But maybe that’s because I’m a huge bleeding heart liberal. Oh, and she reunited Alex Lowe with fuckboi Holden. I hate that kid. I honestly do. He ate a dog in the previous episode, you remember that right?

4.7/5

PROS:

Excellent character development.

CONS:

Some lazy writing there guys. You can do better.

 

Tyler Oberheu is a twenty-something English Major at DePaul University. He likes to write about dumb things while trying to sound smart about it. I don’t know what his problem is. Between you and me he seems a little “off”. But regardless, he loves science, but isn’t smart enough to go into a career in a scientific field. So, English major it is. Check out his upcoming memoir/self-help book called “Twist and Shout: An Awkward Life with Tourette’s” to learn more about why he does those weird little movements and noises. Or just read his articles on this website and determine for yourself why he’s so unhinged.

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3 out 5

War For the Planet of The Apes: Review

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 “Cesar is Legendary, Visual Spectacle But Story Falls Short”

 

The film opens fifteen years after the biohazard cure to Alzheimers, created by Will Rodman (James Franco) in Rise of the Planet of The Apes. Now humanity is on the verge of extinction and the Alpha Omega platoon, an extremist branch of the military, is putting up a misdirected fight for the survival of man kind. The first scene of the movie was the first and only scene of all out war between apes and humans which falls short of my expectations.

I thought the film was good, and according to Rotten Tomatoes it was almost perfect, rated at 95%. But this score is inflated and I can’t find out why so many critics haven’t seen what I’m seeing. Andy Serkis obviously steals the show as Cesar and the audience is forced to root for him the entire time until Colonial (Woody Harrelson) gives a sob story about his son, which doesn’t hit home for me. This isn’t what “Planet of the Apes” should be because I don’t have a choice to be on “team human” because the film chose for the apes for me.

First, the film completely demonizes the United States military. Not that there aren’t any discrepancies in the culture of the United States military but in the universe of this film they are the equivalent of Nazi’s. This sound’s extreme but their base was the equivalent of a death camp, making the apes work and planning to exterminate them afterwards. They don’t give the antagonist, the Colonial a name, making him out to be a robotic dictator. They do chant’s and war cry’s which resonate with the First Order in the new Star Wars series. I don’t think I am naive saying that most human’s don’t act like this and their specific cause for war isn’t clear. Will killing all the apes bring back the human population? No probably not, and it’s troubling that the only solider, Preacher (Gabriel Chavarria) who seems like he could sympathize with the apes undergoes no change. Even in the emotional stand-off with Cesar (who sparred his life) he is going to shoot the ape showing man kind’s overall downfall.

The apes seemed more human then the human’s which was a dark side to this movie that wasn’t supported by character development but by stereotypes and extremists. Finally, the ending may have been salvaged by writer/director Matt Reeves introducing the rest of the United States military, showing that the ape killer Nazis were not affiliated with them. But again the humans are demonized as white coated soldiers attempt to shoot a harmless, unarmed Cesar. But the apes win because of the avalanche, which seems metaphorical for the course of nature defeating evil but who know’s? What I would prefer is the message of acceptance and progressiveness from the arriving soldiers, maybe having them guide the apes to a safe haven. Instead, what is given is the theme of segregation and no the unified consciousness between the humans and the apes.

Yes, this movie is visually stunning and the actors/actresses did a phenomenal work giving an authentic performance with the burden CGI and motion capture. But I cant overlook a three-hundred pound gorilla riding horseback, or the apes making a cross country expedition in two minutes to some safe “dessert” as quoted in the movie. There were a lot of general aspects to the writing which strayed from what the series did the past two films. This series strives for realism, but was so conventional in doing so. The Colonial kills Cesar’s wife and son which is typical stake building, and I didn’t care for the characters enough to mourn.

I got a lot of the apes confused, and the only two I could identify a character with were Cesar and Bad Ape (Steve Zahn). There was also this notion that some of the apes betrayed their own kind for the promise of survival by the Colonial. This didn’t seem strong enough for me to turn apes against each other. Especially, when Red Donkey (Ty Olsen) whip their fellow apes and how they are treated by the human, having offensive names written on their back. If these apes are so smart, there is no way they could possibly think survival would come of turning on their own kind for the extremist group which hates apes. The only way this would work is if there was a line Cesar was crossing, in which he never does because he remains peaceful and protective of his fellow apes.

I thought this movie was entertaining and visually stunning to see at the cinema. But it lacked plot specificity and the time lapsing between the events make it less appealing. There was not much “war” and strategy but more figuring out how to escape the work/death camp. This was so drawn out that it would serve better as an HBO series, in which there would actually be a war with numerous battles and effective character development. A visual spectacle and entertaining film, but not a very compelling story.

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3 out 5

‘Saga of Tanya the Evil’ Episodes 5 and 6 Review

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 Cuteness has its perks.

Spoilers ahead.


As I mentioned in my previous review on ‘Saga of Tanya the Evil’, the only aspect of this show keeping me intrigued is Tanya herself. And she continues to do so, but in a new and charming way.

Episode 5 starts with Tanya selecting people to join her mage battalion. She does this alongside Viktoriya, and I’m still wondering why they are the only two women you see in the entire show. Again, I don’t really think the time period would accept women in the army, but this is an alternate reality, after all.

Anyway, Tanya puts the soldiers through some very intense training. Imagine having to dig a hole, hide in it, and wait 36 hours until bullets stopped firing down on you. Imagine marching for hours only to have an avalanche come down and bury you. Even though the training is extreme, everyone comes out of it alive, and after a month, Tanya has a mage battalion.

Much to her dismay, of course. She’s in shock that the soldiers continue on.

With her new battalion on hand, Tanya is sent to battle. However, since the enemy has no mages on their side, the battle is easily won. Think a full-fledged army versus a 50-man mage battalion. That’s how easy it was.

And Episode 6 shows Tanya’s strides in growth as she manages to scare away a fleet of bombers from battle. You wouldn’t think a little girl would be terrifying, but you have to keep in mind that this is Tanya Degurechaff we’re talking about. She’s fierce, fantastic, and fearless. Unless we’re counting Being X as a fear, then that’s a big one for Tanya. I still find it interesting that God, or Being X, is portrayed in a rather terrifying manner.

Possessing people is one thing, but just the way he holds conversations is nightmare fuel.

I think I’ll actually raise my rating to a 3.2 out of 5. The war terminology is still confusing, and I get so caught up in action that I don’t hit the pause button to read people’s military titles. There’s so many characters, but the only ones that are memorable are Tanya, Viktoriya, and Being X. Tanya especially continues to make this show as great as it is. Because kids are already scary, but this one takes the cake.

 

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3 out 5

‘Akiba’s Trip’ Episode 6 Review

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Stand back everyone, the robot’s got this.

If you thought ‘Akiba’s Trip’ couldn’t get any weirder, well guess what. You were wrong. Tamotsu has a new love interest, and she (it?) comes in the form of a computer…robot…thing.

After Tamotsu has issues with his WinMadOS computer (hm, I wonder where they got that name from), he decides to build his own computer. However, he forgets the most important part. Every computer needs an operating system, of course!

Cue La-san and her cuteness as she convinces Tamotsu to install an AI-driven operating system. This AI takes the form of a cute girl that Tamotsu lovingly names Pyuko. Even though in English it would seem the name sounds like puke. But whatever.

Tamotsu becomes very obsessed with this AI program, even wishing that he could take Pyuko with him to explore Akiba. However, La-san fixes this problem and makes it so that the computer, along with Pyuko, can move, becoming a small robot.

This leads to some weird sequences of Tamotsu and Pyuko exploring Akiba together. Akiba’s an interesting city in and of itself, but a kid walking around with a robot and interacting with it isn’t really normal.

Matome is pretty jealous of how much attention Pyuko gets from Tamotsu, but this all changes when the Bugged Ones appear in the shape of other computers. I won’t go into details, but a noble sacrifice is made by one of the characters in order to save the day.

So for now, I’ll raise my rating a bit to a 3 out of 5. There wasn’t actually a lot of stripping involved in this episode, and it took an interesting twist for once, rather than following a linear plot. Although, I feel like this episode really called out all otaku in regards to AI girlfriends or waifu obsessions. Also, how is Matome not dead yet? Like, does wearing one sleeve of a jacket still count as being clothed? Interesting.

 

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