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MODERN MARVEL: PART 3

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 It came from space!

“The Illuminati. We aren’t talking about Masons or Templars here, and the Cage who might get involved is Luke, not Nicholas”

Before we get to the crossover events, it is time to bring in an important story element of Modern Marvel, one introduced early on (issue #7) in the New Avengers series I mentioned in the first installment of this series, and that is: The Illuminati. We aren’t talking about Masons or Templars here, and the Cage who might get involved is Luke, not Nicholas, but it is important to understanding the current storylines. There was once a war between the alien races known as the Kree and the Skrull, and Earth was caught in the middle as a strategic point. The Avengers defended the Earth from both sides, and afterwards, Iron Man brought together many of the leaders of Marvel’s major factions, creating a group called the Illuminati, whose goal was to link up all the groups so that they could info share, so as to help them avoid and combat major threats, and also to subtly guide the direction of the world. You may have realized that this group, originally comprised of Iron Man, Mr. Fantastic, Namor, Charles Xavier, Doctor Strange, and Black Bolt, are about to come into the spotlight. They are.

The Preamble:

Remember last column when I said Hulk missed Civil War because he was in space? Well, he is back, and MAN is he pissed off. Like, Hulk Smash the World level pissed.

81VGooasqLLWorld War Hulk

The Heroes: Hulk, who is both villain and hero of this series; his group of space buddies, called the Warbound; and the afore-listed members of the Illuminati are the main players on this stage, though most of the New York-based Marvel heroes show up in supporting roles (again excluding Thor, who is no longer dead, just living in Oklahoma, which I guess is marginally better).

The History: The Illuminati (particularly Reed Richards and Tony Stark) brainstormed a number of ways to improve the world. One was shooting the Hulk into space in a rocket. So they did that. Hulk’s rocket landed on an alien world where he spent a couple years fighting in arenas, leading a rebellion, and generally growing as a ma …Hulk. Then the rocket exploded, killing Hulk’s wife and unborn child. Hulk is, understandably, rather pissed, and has trucked his way BACK to Earth from this alien world, to layeth the smacketh down, as The Rock would say.

 

The Story:

Hulk arrives in New York City, and basically wheels around beating the living hell out of just about everyone the Marvel Universe can throw at him, until one hero, the Sentry, shows that he is willing to kill himself to unleash his full power and rage to stop Hulk hurting innocent people (not Tony, Tony is guilty as sin. Other people), and Hulk backs down, because despite how absolutely the Illuminati screwed him, he actually doesn’t want to kill anyone. Then to try to absolve the Illuminati of their guilt, it turns out that the rocket exploding was due to some bad guys on the alien world, aided by one of Hulk’s Warbound, who wanted him to go around destroying stuff instead of settling down to become a family ma ….Hulk. So that guy gets his ass beat instead.

The Verdict: Seriously, some of the fights in this are pretty epic, and it’s nice to see a story where the rampaging monster actually has every damn right to be pissed off, and gets to vent his rage. That said, if you aren’t specifically a fan of the Hulk, then this one would be a tough read, as he is everywhere in it. Therefore: 3 out of 5 stars.

The Preamble: Remember that alien race I mentioned, called the Skrulls? Well, they are shape-shifters, and it turns out they weren’t quite as gone as everyone thought. In fact, they’ve spent years infiltrating Earth, with a focus on the superhero community, and now they are ready to enact the final phases of their plan, the conquest of Earth. So the thing you Illuminati actually assembled yourselves to prevent? THAT is happening, regardless of how many Hulks you shoot into space. …Morons. You had ONE job Stark. ONE.

20652Secret Invasion

The Heroes: Hard to say. Everyone big and small is in this one, even Thor, but then, some of them aren’t really them after all, but cleverly disguised Skrulls. Still, there is no lack of spandex in this, as superheroes big small and virtually forgotten come out of the woodwork to defend Earth via titanic battles that mostly happen in New York City.

The History:

Side story here: When the Skrulls first showed up in the Marvel universe, they fought the Fantastic Four, and Mister Fantastic pulled a Puss in Boots on them, by tricking them into shape-shifting into cows, then making them forget they weren’t cows (granted, that isn’t QUITE what Puss does to the giant, but you get the idea). He then LEAVES those cows in a field, and never thinks about them again, until some people wind up eating the ground Skrull-chuck they get made into, and wind up with weird powers. Perhaps this guy should NOT be involved in any attempts at forward thinking in future, Tony. Okay, NOW to history: Skrulls = bad space aliens whose home-world got eaten by Galactus. That’s it.

The Story: Searching for a new home-world, the Skrull Queen has chosen Earth, due to convoluted prophecy stuff, and has spent years retconning …er infiltrating agents into positions of trust and power (THIS is why Movie Tony’s Jarvis is a computer. Squishy flesh Jarvis’s can be replaced!). They undermine the heroes at every turn, turning them against each other whenever possible, sowing dissent, and basically being shifty spy jerks whenever possible. Their queen is even a member of the Avengers, whose recent boob growth suddenly makes more sense (what? If YOU could shape-shift, you know you would, at least sometimes).  Also the Skrulls have an admittedly awesome cadre of super Skrulls, each of whom get a bunch of different powers from existing Marvel heroes (see how many you can figure out. Maybe make it a drinking game!) Everyone eventually manages to flush the Skrulls out into the open, free the heroes they captured (and conveniently had to keep alive for their undetectable shape-shifting to work), and trick them into the traditional giant Central Park rumble. Wasp grows giant sized and implodes for some reason, and everything is fine again.

 

How drunk are you?

How drunk are you?

The Verdict:

It is a hoot. Seriously, more so than most of the crossovers, you need to clock your suspension of disbelief into overdrive for this one, because they rewrite a lot of things that happened previously as they go to explain some gaps in common sense (okay, NOW I see where Nicholas Cage can fit in), but if you can manage that, it is a rollercoaster ride of brobdingnagian proportions, where you don’t know who not to trust until they start turning green (Skrulls are green, btw). Therefore: 3 out of 5, though 1 of those 3 is actually a shape-shifted Skrull agent with Cyclops optic blasts, Wolverine claws, and Reed Richard’s inability to consider the obvious consequences of his actions.

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3 out 5

War For the Planet of The Apes: Review

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 “Cesar is Legendary, Visual Spectacle But Story Falls Short”

 

The film opens fifteen years after the biohazard cure to Alzheimers, created by Will Rodman (James Franco) in Rise of the Planet of The Apes. Now humanity is on the verge of extinction and the Alpha Omega platoon, an extremist branch of the military, is putting up a misdirected fight for the survival of man kind. The first scene of the movie was the first and only scene of all out war between apes and humans which falls short of my expectations.

I thought the film was good, and according to Rotten Tomatoes it was almost perfect, rated at 95%. But this score is inflated and I can’t find out why so many critics haven’t seen what I’m seeing. Andy Serkis obviously steals the show as Cesar and the audience is forced to root for him the entire time until Colonial (Woody Harrelson) gives a sob story about his son, which doesn’t hit home for me. This isn’t what “Planet of the Apes” should be because I don’t have a choice to be on “team human” because the film chose for the apes for me.

First, the film completely demonizes the United States military. Not that there aren’t any discrepancies in the culture of the United States military but in the universe of this film they are the equivalent of Nazi’s. This sound’s extreme but their base was the equivalent of a death camp, making the apes work and planning to exterminate them afterwards. They don’t give the antagonist, the Colonial a name, making him out to be a robotic dictator. They do chant’s and war cry’s which resonate with the First Order in the new Star Wars series. I don’t think I am naive saying that most human’s don’t act like this and their specific cause for war isn’t clear. Will killing all the apes bring back the human population? No probably not, and it’s troubling that the only solider, Preacher (Gabriel Chavarria) who seems like he could sympathize with the apes undergoes no change. Even in the emotional stand-off with Cesar (who sparred his life) he is going to shoot the ape showing man kind’s overall downfall.

The apes seemed more human then the human’s which was a dark side to this movie that wasn’t supported by character development but by stereotypes and extremists. Finally, the ending may have been salvaged by writer/director Matt Reeves introducing the rest of the United States military, showing that the ape killer Nazis were not affiliated with them. But again the humans are demonized as white coated soldiers attempt to shoot a harmless, unarmed Cesar. But the apes win because of the avalanche, which seems metaphorical for the course of nature defeating evil but who know’s? What I would prefer is the message of acceptance and progressiveness from the arriving soldiers, maybe having them guide the apes to a safe haven. Instead, what is given is the theme of segregation and no the unified consciousness between the humans and the apes.

Yes, this movie is visually stunning and the actors/actresses did a phenomenal work giving an authentic performance with the burden CGI and motion capture. But I cant overlook a three-hundred pound gorilla riding horseback, or the apes making a cross country expedition in two minutes to some safe “dessert” as quoted in the movie. There were a lot of general aspects to the writing which strayed from what the series did the past two films. This series strives for realism, but was so conventional in doing so. The Colonial kills Cesar’s wife and son which is typical stake building, and I didn’t care for the characters enough to mourn.

I got a lot of the apes confused, and the only two I could identify a character with were Cesar and Bad Ape (Steve Zahn). There was also this notion that some of the apes betrayed their own kind for the promise of survival by the Colonial. This didn’t seem strong enough for me to turn apes against each other. Especially, when Red Donkey (Ty Olsen) whip their fellow apes and how they are treated by the human, having offensive names written on their back. If these apes are so smart, there is no way they could possibly think survival would come of turning on their own kind for the extremist group which hates apes. The only way this would work is if there was a line Cesar was crossing, in which he never does because he remains peaceful and protective of his fellow apes.

I thought this movie was entertaining and visually stunning to see at the cinema. But it lacked plot specificity and the time lapsing between the events make it less appealing. There was not much “war” and strategy but more figuring out how to escape the work/death camp. This was so drawn out that it would serve better as an HBO series, in which there would actually be a war with numerous battles and effective character development. A visual spectacle and entertaining film, but not a very compelling story.

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3 out 5

‘Saga of Tanya the Evil’ Episodes 5 and 6 Review

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 Cuteness has its perks.

Spoilers ahead.


As I mentioned in my previous review on ‘Saga of Tanya the Evil’, the only aspect of this show keeping me intrigued is Tanya herself. And she continues to do so, but in a new and charming way.

Episode 5 starts with Tanya selecting people to join her mage battalion. She does this alongside Viktoriya, and I’m still wondering why they are the only two women you see in the entire show. Again, I don’t really think the time period would accept women in the army, but this is an alternate reality, after all.

Anyway, Tanya puts the soldiers through some very intense training. Imagine having to dig a hole, hide in it, and wait 36 hours until bullets stopped firing down on you. Imagine marching for hours only to have an avalanche come down and bury you. Even though the training is extreme, everyone comes out of it alive, and after a month, Tanya has a mage battalion.

Much to her dismay, of course. She’s in shock that the soldiers continue on.

With her new battalion on hand, Tanya is sent to battle. However, since the enemy has no mages on their side, the battle is easily won. Think a full-fledged army versus a 50-man mage battalion. That’s how easy it was.

And Episode 6 shows Tanya’s strides in growth as she manages to scare away a fleet of bombers from battle. You wouldn’t think a little girl would be terrifying, but you have to keep in mind that this is Tanya Degurechaff we’re talking about. She’s fierce, fantastic, and fearless. Unless we’re counting Being X as a fear, then that’s a big one for Tanya. I still find it interesting that God, or Being X, is portrayed in a rather terrifying manner.

Possessing people is one thing, but just the way he holds conversations is nightmare fuel.

I think I’ll actually raise my rating to a 3.2 out of 5. The war terminology is still confusing, and I get so caught up in action that I don’t hit the pause button to read people’s military titles. There’s so many characters, but the only ones that are memorable are Tanya, Viktoriya, and Being X. Tanya especially continues to make this show as great as it is. Because kids are already scary, but this one takes the cake.

 

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3 out 5

‘Akiba’s Trip’ Episode 6 Review

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Stand back everyone, the robot’s got this.

If you thought ‘Akiba’s Trip’ couldn’t get any weirder, well guess what. You were wrong. Tamotsu has a new love interest, and she (it?) comes in the form of a computer…robot…thing.

After Tamotsu has issues with his WinMadOS computer (hm, I wonder where they got that name from), he decides to build his own computer. However, he forgets the most important part. Every computer needs an operating system, of course!

Cue La-san and her cuteness as she convinces Tamotsu to install an AI-driven operating system. This AI takes the form of a cute girl that Tamotsu lovingly names Pyuko. Even though in English it would seem the name sounds like puke. But whatever.

Tamotsu becomes very obsessed with this AI program, even wishing that he could take Pyuko with him to explore Akiba. However, La-san fixes this problem and makes it so that the computer, along with Pyuko, can move, becoming a small robot.

This leads to some weird sequences of Tamotsu and Pyuko exploring Akiba together. Akiba’s an interesting city in and of itself, but a kid walking around with a robot and interacting with it isn’t really normal.

Matome is pretty jealous of how much attention Pyuko gets from Tamotsu, but this all changes when the Bugged Ones appear in the shape of other computers. I won’t go into details, but a noble sacrifice is made by one of the characters in order to save the day.

So for now, I’ll raise my rating a bit to a 3 out of 5. There wasn’t actually a lot of stripping involved in this episode, and it took an interesting twist for once, rather than following a linear plot. Although, I feel like this episode really called out all otaku in regards to AI girlfriends or waifu obsessions. Also, how is Matome not dead yet? Like, does wearing one sleeve of a jacket still count as being clothed? Interesting.

 

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